Mixed Emotions

I was a young girl in my early 20s and had just graduated nursing school. I had just finished interviewing for my first nursing job at the hospital I had worked at for the last four years as a Certified Nursing Assistant. I had verbally accepted the job and was just waiting to sign the official paper work. And then I decided I was going to move. I was filled with exhilaration. Looking back on that time in my life nearly 11 years ago I can safely say I was running. I was running from familiarity. I got on the plane, to my parents dismay and concern, needing to spread my wings and find myself on my own terms. And because of that there was little sadness, mostly excitement. Of course I missed my family but there was something about figuring life out on my own, not in arms reach of anyone I knew or loved, that drove and forced me to be quite independent and self sufficient.

Over the last several months my husband has been interviewing for jobs. They have taken him all over the country, to nearly every corner except the corner of my beloved Pacific Northwest. When he started down this path into this sub-specialty we knew that jobs would be limited and so would limit where we went next. I have enjoyed the last three years of having time with my family, knowing that we would likely be saying good bye again. This time though it is definitely harder. This time I am not leaving on my own terms but rather the job's terms. The prospect of new beginnings is very exciting and saddening. It means this chapter is coming to an end. The weekend visits with the family on a whim will no longer be possible. Summers spent at the lake at the family property will not be something my children will grow up knowing as I did. Our little family of four will make new memories wherever we go and will certainly make the best of our next city but I can't deny that it is weighing on my heart to leave this beautiful state but most importantly my family.