New Year, New Beginnings

The New Year brings upon us the prospect of new beginnings. The excitement and the uncertainty of new adventures and what the future holds for us. So many things can happen in 365 days that the possibilities are truly endless. One thing is certain for my family in the next year, and that is that my husband will FINALLY be done with his training and we will be moving on to the next chapter in our lives. The next chapter will likely be in a different area of the country or at least a different state. We have been very fortunate over the years. During different residencies we have been lucky enough to have lived near both of our families for a few years even though they live in completely opposite ends of the country. Unfortunately a move will mean I will have to again say good bye to my family. My husband will be interviewing for jobs and we will likely know sometime this Spring where we will end up in July. The excitement of a new adventure is permeable in our apartment, as we both are looking forward to the next step and wherever it may take us. I know we will have more things to come in the next year so stay tuned.....
I wish you all a happy and safe New Year. 

I Do

Depending on who you ask our anniversary varies. If you ask us or our family and friends they would tell you that we were married on December 19, 2009. If you ask the state of Georgia however, they will tell you we were married on December 21, 2009. My husband is one lucky guy because based on a technicality our anniversary spans three days, so if he forgets it he basically has lapsed on almost half of a week. When we were trying to pick our wedding date he had to discuss dates with his General Surgery program director. General Surgery residents are not allowed to take vacations on certain rotations in their training. So my ideal late summer, early fall wedding got pushed to the last day of fall that year. We had a nice small, quiet wedding with our immediate family and close friends.  But wait lets get back to the discrepancy in the dates. In the state of Georgia both parties have to be present in order to obtain your marriage license. Well we were to be married on Saturday the 19th but my husband had to work the Friday before and since we didn't live in Georgia (we were getting married there because of family) there was no way he would be able to make it there before to obtain our license. And so we proceeded with the traditional wedding ceremony on Saturday the 19th as planned and then on Monday morning of the 21st we headed down to the court house to obtain our license and deliver it to our wedding officiant. There were a few wedding hangups like him getting stuck at the airport Friday night due to flight delays but thankfully he made it to Georgia at 2am that Saturday morning and we were able to marry as planned. Marriage is full of obstacles that every couple must navigate. In our six years, and counting, we've had our share of tough years and triumphant years and I couldn't have asked for a better partner to navigate those years with. And even more, looking forwards to the years of adventure to come!

Photo Credit: Simply Memories by Rachel Baldwyn

My Choice To Stay Home

In Fall of 2011 we welcomed our highly energetic son into the world. My husband was in his fourth year of General Surgery residency and life got a little more busy after that. At the time of his birth I was already more than half way into my Bachelor's degree program and was working full time in the ICU. I took four months of maternity leave then it was back to work. I was sad to leave him on the days I worked, but I loved being a nurse and he was in very good hands. After six months I graduated (Magna Cum Laude) with my Bachelors of Science Degree in Nursing and decided it was time to change to working at nights in the ICU. That meant our son didn't have to be watched by anyone anymore and I could still work and enjoy nursing. Back then it was a bit easier to work around my husband's schedule as it was slightly predictable. On the days when life threw a curve ball we had the most amazing support of some of the best friends we could ask for. They would, without hesitation, help us on the days that I had to go to work and my husband was stuck in an operation or when I was already at work and he had to go in for an emergency surgery.
Things changed though in the summer of 2013 when we moved for my husband's Cardiothoracic Surgery residency. We were closer to family, but not close enough to where we could have someone  come over and watch our son. We knew no one in the big city and as much as I wanted to return to work there were some serious things we needed to evaluate. One of the things we had to look at was scheduling. My husband's schedule for the next few years would be such that he had scheduled surgeries Monday through Friday, and very frequent emergencies and transplants that would arise. And we also had to work around his call schedule which included but was not limited to two weekends a month and on certain rotations was on call 24/7 for three months. Another area we had to look at was the fact that if I intended to go back to work we would have to place our son in daycare. Daycare in the big city unfortunately is quite expensive and my salary would essentially be funding his daycare and so not financially helpful. I could work the two weekends he had off but as we saw he was likely to get called in even on those days and also we would never have any family time. And so, what was important to us?  I missed working but were there any benefits to me returning to work besides my selfish reasons for missing the job? My husband supported whatever decision I made and so I had some things to think about. After all things considered I decided that, for now, my place was at home with my son and later our daughter as well. People have asked me if I will return to work when my husband is done with all of his training and I can honestly say I am not sure. If I do, I will go back to working nights and part time as I have now seen how important it is for my kids to have me at home. Yes I miss working, I miss taking care of patients. I miss having intellectual conversations with adults though I must say I have had some stimulating conversations with my son. I miss the interaction with people that I once had and feeling like a valued member of the team but had I not been at home I might not have been able to say I taught my son how to read and write, two skills that will carry him throughout his life. I might not have been there to watch him learn to swim. And let's be honest with my daughter's lack of sleeping I would have shown up to work like a zombie EVERY day. The choice to stay home is not for everyone but if you can and want to stay home the rewards are immeasurable.


*If any chance you are reading this Aunty Tiff (Tiffany), Aunty Sully (Lauren), Shay and Grandma Patsy I cannot thank you enough for your love and support during those early years. I couldn't have done it without you!

Sacred Sunday

Back in July my husband started his last and final year of training! For anyone who knows, works with or is married to a resident or fellow you know what it's like to see the light at the end of the tunnel. With medical school, family medicine residency, general surgery residency, adult cardiothoracic surgery residency and pediatric congenital heart surgery fellowship he will have committed a total of 15 years of training. Yes you read that right, 15 years! We've been married for six of those years. During those years we have worked through many different schedules, weeks on night shift, trauma schedules of every third day working for nearly 36 hours, on call days  (i.e. in the hospital for over 24 hrs) on top of the scheduled working days, etc. This year has been a little tough though. According to the guidelines every resident has to have at least four days off a month. The last two years of his adult cardiothoracic program it was nice because his four days were used to get two weekends off a  month, though there were quite a few he still had to work a portion of. We were able to get out of the city and enjoy some family time. This year though he only gets every Sunday off. That's it. So if a holiday falls on a Sunday he gets it off but otherwise he is working holidays too. Sundays have become a sacred day for us. A day he gets to spend with the kids,  a day he catches up on sleep and a day for him to catch up on all of the research projects he has going on. That is if he doesn't have to go in for an emergency surgery or transplant. Due to either a fluke on the schedule this week or the fact that he is doing a week in ICU he is getting off the entire weekend and we are out of here! Good bye hustle bustle of the metropolis city; we are putting you in the rear view mirror - not to be seen again until Sunday!

Life After Living

Tis the season for giving. According to my husband... though I could not find statistical data to back this, more people are willing to participate in organ donation this time of year. Here are some statistics from the United Network for Organ Sharing: Every 10 minutes someone is added to the national transplant waiting list, on average 22 people die each day while waiting for a transplant, and one organ donor can save up to eight lives! Organ donation is one of the most selfless and precious gifts one person can give to another. Having worked in ICU for two years I am not a stranger to organ donation. Though I have never taken care of a recipient, I have been present and participated during the crucial conversations of organ donation. It is a time sensitive subject, one that you wish didn't have to be presented to the family so close to them learning their loved one will not be returning to them in this life. However, it must be done before the window of opportunity closes. My husband has gone on numerous organ procurements over the years during his general surgery residency, his cardiothoracic surgery residency and now his pediatric congenital cardiac surgery fellowship.  Though it is always a tough situation you feel grateful to people who are willing to help another person, a person whom they know nothing about, whose life is hanging in the balance while they desperately wait for a match just for them. The decision to donate organs of a loved one is never easy. It is a very emotionally charged decision for family members to make. However if you consider the statistics presented earlier and the fact that your family member will no longer require these organs but that someone else somewhere can live to see another day, another week, another year or even more, it is the most gracious thing you could do. Whenever my husband has gotten the call that an organ has come available I pause to think about both families and the intensely emotional state they are now experiencing. Nothing though has hit me as hard as his first infant heart transplant this past summer. When he got the call there was an organ available I was so elated for this family to receive a heart for their infant child, then our daughter started to cry. As I looked at her sleeping, at her tender age of 7 months, my heart began to ache for the family who made the decision to donate their child's organs. Most of these children have experienced tragic accidents and for their families to have to deal with that situation and make the choice to donate is simply amazing. I cannot imagine what either of the families go through when donating/receiving organs for their children but I will tell you this, I hug my children a little tighter. There are so many sad stories that come out of children's hospital but there are also equally as many happy and triumphant stories. I wanted to bring to light the subject of organ donation and give you something to think about this holiday season. Ultimately living and dying resides solely in the will of God but certainly there exists within us an opportunity to help others at a time when all of humanity is struggling.

If you'd like more information on organ donation there are plenty of websites available and here are a few note worthy ones:

United Network for Organ Sharing: UNOS.org
Donate Life America: donatelife.net
Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network: optn.transplant.hrsa.gov

Unconventional Holidays

Holidays - dates on a calendar dictating when you celebrate, commemorate or honor something or someone. Before staying home with my kids I worked in healthcare in the hospital setting for 13 years. I am no stranger to unconventional holidays. There were many days spent with my “work family” sharing potlucks (when we had time to actually sit down and eat) and days later, after the date on the calendar, sitting down with my family sharing frivolities and a delicious meal. We continue to celebrate unconventional holidays since my husband has been on call and is scheduled to be on call most holidays this year and next until he graduates from his fellowship. Over the years we have figured out our own routine when it comes to these occasions. Often times, even when we do have a chance to sit down together the pager goes off or the cell phone rings. Those devices are as much a part of our family as anything else. We are a family who enjoy helping others and so we do not perceive it as a burden to work on traditional holidays but a mere opportunity to possibly help brighten or make someone else's holiday better. Who wouldn’t be grateful for a new, better functioning heart for Thanksgiving?  It is not always a person’s first choice or choice at all to work on a holiday but they dutifully report to work anyways. And so this holiday season give thanks not only for your family, health, happiness and those things you hold dear, but also give thanks to the many who will work on days when likely they would love to be home with their families just like you. Whether you are in a hospital being cared for by the staff, at a food establishment being waited on, pulled over because you were speeding to the holiday dinner you are already five minutes late to, please be polite, greet everyone with a smile or at least respect and wish them a safe and happy holiday.

Night #355

Last night was night number 355 with the little lady. She was born on November 26, 2014 at 846pm and we have not had one full nights rest since. That's right, she's about to turn one and she does not sleep through the night. In the beginning we struggled with colic. Her piercing cries in the night would almost bring me to tears. After a few weeks it was determined she was colicky due to a milk protein allergy. And so we started on the dairy free path. Nights got better with her but they were still long. No matter what we tried she would still wake every three hours and still does. We have literally tried every thing we could think of with her to get her to have restful nights. She does not have her days and nights mixed up either as she barely sleeps during the day. People have asked me does my husband not take a shift, or could I ask him to? And here is my answer....yes I could but no I don't. The reasoning is very simple, I would not want a surgeon operating on my child who has been up all night unnecessarily. Yes, there have been many, many nights when he has been up operating on someone all night but to ask him to be up all night with the little lady so I could sleep does not seem right. Especially when I think about if I were the family of a patient who needed an operation. And so it's just her and I every night, all night. However, last night, night number 355, she slept five and a half hours without a whimper!
It started out as every other night. A bottle at 7pm followed by me singing her to sleep. And at about 830 the sleepy cries started and I was sure we were headed for another long night. When she actually woke at 1050 for another bottle I was ready for bed myself. So after her bottle she went to sleep and so did I. When I woke, I couldn't figure out why. I looked at the time and it was 415. 415! I, like any mother whose child sleeps longer than normal for the first time, panicked! I quickly got up and checked to make sure she was still breathing, which she was, and then I was like Julie Andrews in The Sound Of Music!

I had just slept nearly six hours and even at the extremely early hour of 415 I felt exhilarated! My utter happiness must have been palpable as she woke up shortly after for another bottle but I couldn't have cared less. She quickly drank her bottle and went back to sleep at which time I laid there with the biggest smile on my face because it felt like a huge victory. Now tonight as we have neared bedtime again I can only hope and pray that tonight will be a similar night and that we can now bank on getting some sleep at night.

The Surgeon and The Blog

Meet the surgeon who is part of the inspiration for this blog. This is one of my favorite pictures of him. This is the real deal. This is him in his element. I had been contemplating starting a blog for quite a while now. I wanted to write about our life and how we try to maintain the balance between his crazy work schedule, home life and all of the shenanigans in between. There are many medical shows "portraying" the life of surgeons. However, that is all they are....shows. Our life is not something written by Hollywood. I will write of our triumphs and struggles. I will write about what home life is like when he is home and when he is not.  I will sometimes back blog stories from the past as a way to recount the memories and the road that has lead us to this point. This is my blog about being married to a surgeon.