March 26, 2012

I've had patients tell me that they saw their life flash before their eyes. I had heard of this happening to other people also but I never understood the phenomenon until March 26, 2012. I was on my way home from the hospital to see my little 5 month old son and relieve his Aunty of duty. I was driving down a very busy and high traffic road traveling at the speed limit (40mph). I was driving through the intersection (my light was green) and then it happened. Because of my speed the accident itself took seconds maybe even less but it felt like at least five minutes.  She plowed into

the passenger rear side of my car. She hit me hard enough to change the direction of my car. I saw that telephone pole and there was no time to slow down. From my many years volunteering on the fire department I knew in those seconds that the outcome could be very bad for me. And then it happened. The thoughts of what I would miss. My son growing up. Missing his milestones in life. My husband. I saw visions of my childhood growing up with my brother. My parents. My younger siblings. It was literally the highlight reel of my life. And then I saw the telephone pole inches from my car and as my car was rolling, it went straight into it. I closed my eyes and held the steering wheel and told God if it's my time I pray for peace and quickness without suffering. And then there was impact. I sat there hanging from my seat belt. I opened one eye and then the other. Was I alive? The next part happened so quickly it was unreal. Bystanders who witnessed my accident climbed on my car and drug me out. They were all talking at once but I couldn't hear them. I said please call my husband to another bystander and rattled off his number knowing he was scrubbed into surgery and was confident he wouldn't answer. The ambulance came and by then the world was more in focus. The paramedic told me they were going to take me to the trauma center at which time I kindly declined. I told them to just take me to the hospital I knew my insurance covered. He said, you are a nurse, now look out there at your car and tell me that you don't need to go to the trauma center. And I said please take me to the hospital my insurance covers. Then I heard the other paramedic say hey here comes one of the trauma surgeons he can tell us what he thinks. I heard him before I saw his face and he said "take her to the trauma center." I said I don't think that is necessary. The paramedic looked at me then said, that guy is one of the trauma surgeons, to which I replied "that guy is my husband." So off to the trauma center I went. I got great care but there is something about being there with someone the ENTIRE staff knows that's a little difficult. Here I am stripped down to my 'designer' hospital gown and person after person from the environmental services department to the other surgical staff, nurses and techs stopped by.  And so it went on and on for hours. The first couple of times were quite embarrassing but I quickly got over that. I appreciated that when people found out his wife was the patient laying on the stretcher they showed genuine concern and would come back and check on me until we left. The effects of that day still linger. I am no longer the super confident person in the car. I get anxious at times. I get cold sweats and nauseated when I see someone pulling out from across an intersection. It took me months to drive back down that road. I would rather drive the extra 15-20 min to work then drive down that road. Until one day my husband said you are going to do this and I will be in the car with you. Every day when I look in the mirror and see the four inch scar that runs down my neck I touch it and thank God I still get another day with my kids. I get another day with my husband. I get another day with my family.
It's true that life flashes before your eyes.
At least it was for me that day.
By God's will, I was very lucky that the outcome of that incident on that day was in my favor.

Life is precious. Life is short. So live life to the fullest!