Graduate School

     

 I just submitted my final paper for this semester! I feel like singing, and crying, and eating a whole tub of ice cream. I bet I can do all of those things simultaneously (I’ll let you know later). Next week I start the clinical portion of my practicum semester. It will be a different routine and new experiences, not only for me but also for my family. My family. There are times I have questioned my decision to go back to graduate school at this time in my life. It at times can be hard to manage. Trying to get my studying in, my papers written, my research completed all while balancing life with my family. I once had a person say to me, “well at least you are a stay at home mom.” That indeed is true, I am a stay at home mom. I give major credit to the mothers out there balancing work, school and families. That is no easy task and they are simply amazing human beings. I would like to offer this. A working mother tends to have to get up early to squeeze in time for school. She often will sneak in school time on lunch (if she gets one) or stays up past bedtime folding laundry while reading in between loads. I know, I was there once. The first time I went back to school for my bachelor’s degree I was that mother. I worked a full-time job, had a baby at home and was taking a full schedule of classes. I know how hard it is. 

            This go around is different. I have more kids. I am not currently working but still taking a full schedule of classes. My study times however have not changed. I still have to get up early to work on school work, or during nap time or at night once everyone is tucked into bed. Because with a 1 year old and a 3 year old at home, let’s be honest, study time during waking hours just does not happen. Someone is hungry. Someone spilled their milk. Someone wants to do a puzzle. Someone wants to be pushed in the swing. The wants and needs of small children does not allow for time to do research and write meaningful papers that my professors feel are worthy of a graduate student. It is still hard. Just in a different way.

            And so I question it. Am I doing the right thing. Am I neglecting time I should be focusing on doing things for my family. I always had wanted to further my education, but life changed paths. I got married. Had a family. Those dreams got tucked into the back corner to be revisited later. And then later came. And I submitted my application for graduate school. Sometimes I wonder if I could go back in time would I make different choices. Would I tell myself to finish and do everything with school that I want before having a family? Then I think of all of the times I have sat at the counter doing homework with my oldest after the other two have gone to bed. Or the times he has celebrated an A I received. I am teaching him that hard work pays off in school. I am teaching him that anything you want is worth the efforts and sacrifices. I hope that someday when my kids are older they appreciate my efforts and are proud of the mother that they have. And so, I continue to push forward. I have one full semester left after this one, the light at the end of the tunnel (at least this tunnel) is near. Then who knows what the future holds but I assure you this, I will take a month to binge watch ALL of the seasons of shows I have missed in the last year and a half before I start my next chapter!