Today most people will wake up like any other Monday. They will go about their business, whether it be work, school, taking care of their children, or any other regular routine they complete. This particular Monday has different meaning to a few of us out in the world. It is a day for us to remember those we lost, those we did not get to bring home, those we may not have gotten to hold in our arms (or we did but only for a moment), those that the world often forgets about except us. They were our babies. They left their footprints on our hearts.
On October 25, 1988, President of the United States, Ronald Regan, designated the month of October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Later, in 2002, October 15 was recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. A day for those of us whom have lost. To light a candle to remember those that left their footprints on our hearts. This year I will light four.
This past Spring I suffered another miscarriage. Statistically, 1 in 4 women will experience a pregnancy or infant loss at some point in their child bearing years. I unfortunately have experienced a few more. They have all been very different. One made it to the early stage of the second trimester, two to the end of the first trimester, and one barely got started. Three had heart beats that we saw, two grew according to plan until their little hearts stopped beating, one struggled, and one we don’t know. Each one heartbreaking in their own right.
After my second miscarriage, the doctors wanted to run a bunch of tests not only on the baby but also my husband and myself. It was a very challenging time for me. We got the lab results back on the baby and also our own. The baby was a girl with trisomy 22. A genetic abnormality that is incompatible with life. Our lab results came back with no genetic chromosomes or traits found. It was deemed that the baby suffered a random chromosomal mismatch. My doctor talked to me at length at our next appointment, assuring me that the likelihood of me having anymore would be very, very small. And then it did again. Twice. After my third miscarriage, my doctors called me a “statistical outlier.” At which point they enrolled us in a genetics study to help find answers as to why there are some of us “statistical outliers” out in the world.
The first two miscarriages I experienced I did not talk about initially. What can one say anyways? Often times mothers suffer in silence in these circumstances. People do not understand, and they will tell you that they don’t. Thanks to a fellow coworker and friend telling me of her own experience of a pregnancy loss she experienced at 6 months and the love she showed me, I felt moved to speak of my own story. Her story helped me realize I was not alone in my emotions, that at times can be like a roller coaster. And so, I share my story often. In fact, two years ago I wrote three blog posts in the month of October. They were dedicated to this particular subject. I wrote about the statistics. I wrote about my experience as a Labor and Delivery nurse and fetal demise deliveries. And I wrote about my experience as a mother. You can review those blogs by clicking the folder October 2016.
I recently read an article about an initiative to raise awareness to this subject. They encourage those of us who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss to share our stories. There are more of us out there than you realize. If you are reading this post but are not comfortable sharing your story just yet, know you are not alone. I choose to share my story, so others will know there are people out there who understand and will support them. If you do want to share your story, they want you to create a social media post, use the #IHaveFootprintsOnMyHeart and #PregnancyandInfantLossAwareness
I encourage anyone to share their story in my comments or on your own social media page. You just never know who you can help or who is suffering in silence.
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